The doubting disease

OCD is sometimes called The Doubting Disease. This is a very accurate description of my kind of OCD. My symptom is obsessive doubt. Beginning with obsessive thoughts about big catastrophes that will happen if I don’t understand og remember something perfectly. This turns to obsessive thoughts about that I have to check. This again produces feelings of doubt and contractions – especially when I don’t do what the thoughts tell me to do.

By the way: it is the thoughts, not my thoughts. It is just thoughts. Thoughts without a thinker.

I have discovered that I during an OCD episode have a very strong physical sensation of my brain contracting. It is like I have a knot inside my brain. This comes when I have the obsessive impulses to perform the compulsive checking behaviour – and resist to do it.

I find that meditating on the feelings of doubt and the physical sensations of contraction (which actually is not physical, because I don’t think the brain actually can physically contract like it feels, so it most be a feeling or an emotional state) is powerful way to cope with it. But it requires courage and endurance. One small step at a time.

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4 Responses to The doubting disease

  1. I also get that sensation in my brain when I am very anxious and have the strong urges to compulse. It happened last night. And something also happens in my throat. And I can feel the adrenaline cursing through my veins.

  2. Dave says:

    I began experiencing the same sensation after learning mindfulness and brain lock techniques against severe pure o. I would begin to resist and redirect the obsessive and compulsive thoughts. It would become almost automatic. My brain would counter with brain contractions at night when I resisted in my sleep. After a few months of this my ocd would moderate.

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